whats his astro. sign(s) ?

* quick escalation into frustration/anger that leads to saying rash things.

Strongly recommending this book: A.D.D. & Romance by Jonathan Halverstadt
www.amazon.com/D-D-Romanc.../ref=sr_1_1

I recommend that book as well; there are a variety of different manifestations of ADD. For my own self, the only ones I recognize are numbers 1 and 7 on your list, but number 1 I wouldn't attribute to expectations and compromise, rather simply to boredom and the constant inner desire for new experience. Number 7 is something I've been guilty of, blurting out some hurtful remark that wasn't called for and I really didn't mean, but I'm always acutely aware of it and usually apologize immediately, as in right then and there, or within a couple of hours at the outside. 'Impulse control' is a big thing with ADD people, and I'm no exception.

The other ones don't register with me at all; those look more like narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder, but I'm no shrink, just a lay person who owns a DSM-IV.

I'm acutely aware of my fallibility, and not the type to blame the other party in the relationship. I may not be great relationship material, but I do know the problem is usually with me, not the other person. I think the inability to see one's own faults, as well as the tendency to blame everything on someone else, fall more into the personality disorder category than the ADD category.

Having a particular problem doesn't make anyone an angel. I think there's a tendency to clinicize things that may be common for people who have a particular issue, but that aren't necessarily caused by it.

Anything that may isolate someone socially may lead to their becoming more self centered. ADD is one of them, especially if it was severe in their childhood, and people thought they were "retarded".

I've had two partners who have ADD and/or ADHD, and they both handle their relationships in different ways. One of them was sent to special education, but instead of getting ADHD specific education, he was put in a class with kids with other sorts of mental challenges. So he was basically socialized as "retarded".

So the people who were helpful were very helpful, some in the wrong ways. They would tolerate his emotional outbursts as if he was retarded, instead of teaching him to slow his roll. He can do it. I've seen him do it when I handle things as I was taught by my mom who has taught people with learning disabilities for over 25 years. She told me that if I found myself in that situation, not to treat the guy like a child at all...have a natural response, but not a malicious one.

Because of the people whose care he was in, handing his sexual development totally wrong, I taught him alot, and learned alot myself. He still has a long way to go though, but he has learned to be careful to think of how what he's saying may affect the other person, when he's not...well, I don't know what to call it but "spinning".

The other guy is higher functioning. He drives (a bit crazy for my taste, but well enough), and was even a lifeguard for awhile. I know he has ADD, but he refuses to admit it. He displays almost all the characteristics you describe, while the former only has the negative outlook. He is actually very unselfish, and regardless of how frustrating a situation is, he will not resort to cursing people or lashing out violently. He may yell and state exactly what his problem is at the moment very loudly, but he is well enough in touch with his emotions and those around him that he is very kind and well...as far as manliness, I have to give him props for being one of the most decisive guys I've ever met, despite the problems focusing on one thing at a time.

I don't think ADD or ADHD determines someone's character. It's their experiences, and how they interpret their experiences, just like anyone else. They have an issue that may cloud their perception at times, and may make life a bit harder, but for a good and strong person with a sense of ethics and honor that isn't dependent on external opinions, "what doesn't kill them makes them stronger".

Some people with or without ADD have what it takes, and some people with or without it don't.