Okay, my two cents...ADD or no, seems to me that you deserve to be with someone who is willing to do what's needed, including take their medication, to be able to manage their behavior, because being mean and nasty to someone is just NOT okay, period. I know a lot of ADDers will do whatever to cause stimulation, including pick a fight (tho I can't say I've heard of too many ADDers who are just plain MEAN)...but IMO while ADD may be an explanation for such behavior, it is NOT an excuse.

But to be honest, I'm really sorry to say this sounds more like this COULD be an abusive control thing to me...it's a pretty classic sign for one partner to emotionally or physically be nasty to the other, then come back all contrite...only to do it again. When it happens repeatedly, that's a warning sign of something.

You can only control yourself. It sounds (ADD or no) like he needs to learn to control HIS self... to recognize when he's being hurtful and take responsibility for it. ADD is neither an excuse nor a reason to be calling someone names. If he's reacting to frustration with himself, or being unhappy about not seeing you, he needs to recognize that and fix it (control himself, change his behaviours). If he can't find it in himself to respect your feelings---including when you feel he's hurt them, whether it was intentional or not---then you have a serious problem.

I guess what I'm saying is, there's a line between learning to deal with someone who has ADD and putting up with sh*t, and if he's calling you names and making you cry, it's crossed that line. If you can make him agree to PAY ATTENTION and call him on it whenever he does it---without him getting even more mad at the time---maybe you can help him learn not to act that way. But, if he isn't willing to respect your feelings ALL the time (as opposed to when he feels bad after the fact), then you have a big problem.

Drav is right; the meanness followed by contrition is a disturbing pattern, especially if it's repeated regularly. At best, it means he has a hard time understanding how his actions are impacting you. At the worst, it's the typical pattern in abusive relationships, and you should get out now while you still can. The threat to hang up the phone if you don't stop crying sounds particularly controlling and scary. You have a right to cry when your feelings are hurt, and if he really thinks that's pathetic---why would you want to be with someone who doesn't respect your feelings?

Sorry, wish I could be a little more positive. If he wants to change, he might be able to---but if he doesn't want to, you can't make him, and while you may be able to "learn to live" with abuse like that, you shouldn't have to.

Don't take his shit.

If he takes a horrible or angry tone with you tell him you'll talk to him another time and HANG UP! Don't engage in a losing battle get out of the situation. Tell him you only want to speak with him on meds and stick to it. And if he keeps blowing it and apologizing let go of the relationship. He needs to have consequences for his actions to take any meaningful changes in his life. It sounds like you may need to leave for your own reasons anyway but don't take an apology that isn't accompanied by an action plan to avoid the offending action. That's your choice.